he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
