my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
