Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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