She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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