Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As shirtless as possible
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize