please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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