Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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