I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
