I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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