Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
