Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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