Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
