so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
