She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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