I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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