so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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