I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
