We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize