I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
