tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
