dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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