He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize