My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
