Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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