Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize