either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
