defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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