This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
