i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
