Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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