i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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