what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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