at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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