I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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