I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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