I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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