We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
