The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
