and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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