I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
