I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
