Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize