how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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