Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
