Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
