I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
