At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
