sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
