I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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