Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My cat gives me a boner
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
