Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
MIDGETS
????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
