and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
