Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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