That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did I show you my penis last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
