Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
