I have demons in me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
