Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
