are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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