that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
