I must be too annoying 4 u.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
