Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
