fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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