i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
