I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
only you would photoshop your dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
