just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
