what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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