I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
