what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
