Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
