Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
