She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
