You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I take back everything I said about communal showers
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize