i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
