That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
