idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
