Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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