I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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