The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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