Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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