nut hugger
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize