he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
