If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They took my balls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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