God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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