worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
